Fairy tales of Sane Commoners and Rich Oddities
by Sayloni
Summary: Once upon a time they were thrown into the land of beautiful fairies, magic mirrors, talking animals and evil witches. And they lived happily ever after. Well, mostly. A collection of fairy tales blown to pieces by the Ouran boys and girls. Mild boyxboy if the situation presents itself. Mostly KyouyaXTamaki. Beware of weird twists and tales.


A/N: Sayloni was watching Ouran Highschool Hostclub the other day, the episode 'Haruhi in Wonderland' to be specific and inspiration just decided to hit her like an over-speeding truck. So, here is a collection of Fairytales torn up by our very own Host club and co.

Warning: This fic contains boy x boy, not explicit, but she won't advice people with no taste in this genre, or those who have probably never heard about it to go on reading. And, oh! Characters might appear a tad bit OOC, but she'll definitely try to work on them.

Disclaimer: Sayloni doesn't own Ouran Highschool Hostclub, or the series would have suffered some major yaoiness! All credits go to Sensei Bisco Hatori and her amazing team of editors and publishers for such a superb treat. And no, Sayloni is no Charles Perrault, which is to politely say she doesn't own the fairytale 'Cinderella' either.

Summary: Tamaki wants to attend the Grand ball to meet his Prince charming. However, his step-mother and annoying brothers make the feat unachievable. What can he do but grieve?

Pairing: Kyouya x Tamaki (o_O!)

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**Cinderella**

_Once upon a time in a land far, far away (in case you missed the short-cut through the dark woods, that is) there lived a daunting gangster whose clan remained engaged in constant bloodshed. _

_Each day his minions swiped another group of thugs and the man, Kasanoda, would earn a gruesome reputation amongst the townsfolk. _

_In fact things turned so bad, that his wife eloped with the Royal Stable Boy from next-door. Kasanoda's unseemly beauty didn't help the matter much either._

_But his misery is of no concern to our story, so we'll toss the details aside. _

_What matters is his poor, mother-less daughter-_

"Pardon my elegant loveliness, Ms. Writer, but I assure you that I'm wholly male." The blonde murmurs in his usual dramatic grace, arms spread as he walks onto the stage. "You must be dazzled by my charms to the point where you have no control over your words!"

_… yeah, okay._

_So, as I was saying, the attention of our magical tale is not the gory gangster but the unfortunate Tamaki (whose name was specified to be Ella, but who listens to the writer?) left behind all by himself to look after the both of them by, uhm… a 'grieving' mother. _

_Kasanoda, unable to watch the apple of his eye suffer, decided to do something about the unhappy situation. He needed to do something to ease the burden off of his frail shoulders, the one thing that'd light up his face with that glittery smile, and so he did what only few would dare to repeat._

_…he remarried?_

An awkward stretch of silence envelopes the two males.

_No, seriously. Why didn't he just hire a maid?_

Then the ground starts vibrating and the stage opens itself to let a smug looking Renge rise up. "Why?" She yells, hands on hips. "Because it's more interesting this way, ofcourse!"

_…o-okay, so before she starts off with some weird otaku babble, we were talking about the gangster getting remarried. To a totally eccentric woman at that, the one who found game characters more enchanting than the actual people surrounding her. Her two sons were equally annoying._

_And how tragic it seemed when Kasanoda, while in another battle, sacrificed his life to save-_

"Liar." The Hitachiin twins comment off-handedly as Kasanoda dives towards a bulky man in a fit of rage. Hikaru pops the last of his banana into his mouth, chews leisurely, swallows, then tosses the peel away.

Needless to say it lands right in front of the gangster, who slips and tumbles off the side of the cliff.

_…So he died in a freak accident. Most unfortunate._

_And hence Tamaki was trapped with a pair of twins who enjoyed making his life miserable, and a mother who couldn't care less. _

_To top it all, they made him do all the chores. He had to feed the goldfish, sweep the floors and even clean the fireplace. The way he'd end up all sooty and black after the said task encouraged the twins to tease him by the name of, well… 'Tamaki.'_

_ (And that's what you get for going against the writer! I told you it should be 'Ella'!)_

_"_Let him be called 'My Lord', since he is a fraud Prince." Renge shrugs.

_Alright._

_In return, Tamaki would shrink back into his emo-corner and wallow in self pity._

_It so happened that one day, the royal messenger, Fujioka Haruhi, visited the Kasanoda household (ex-Kasanoda, now) to invite the family for a grand ball the King was holding that very evening. _

_A young girl was being especially sought after to become a possible match for the youngest Prince, and so it was absolutely necessary for anything that had a beating heart and a pretty face (yeah, they were that desperate) to attend the ball without fail._

_Renge squealed in delight, for this was her rare chance to attach herself firmly to the legendary third son Kyouya. She then bounded into her wardrobe to find an attractive outfit for the occasion._

"Should I tell her she doesn't really fit in the age gap decided for the bride?" Haruhi questions nonchalantly, the invitation still in her hands.

_I didn't think about that, I'm afraid._

She shrugs. "Some writer you are…"

_Do you think she would've listened to you, anyways?_

Haruhi rolls her eyes. The twins shake their head vigorously, exchange looks, then they throw an arm each over the messenger's shoulders.

"Too bad My Lord is not going to be able to attend the grand event." Kaoru snickers, mockery written all over his face as he grins at the blonde. "Because he wasn't invited!"

Hikaru scoffs and joins in on the laughter.

"Hey! Get your paws off of my precious daughter this instant-"

_It took another three hours to match up accessories and fetch other random 'necessities' for his mother's stunning dress. The next hour was ticked away as make-up stained the ceiling and the walls in an attempt to make her look pretty. Another forty minutes and the annoying duo were being forced into identical crisp black suits. A few touch-ups and the three were scurrying out the door so as not to be late (anymore than they already were, at least). _

"Be miserable, wallow in decadence, Fraud Prince! Kyouya-sama and Haruhi-kun are mine!" Renge gives a hearty laugh and slams the limo door shut. The twins stick out their tongues at the blonde from the vehicle's window.

Then the limo darts away, leaving Tamaki coughing in a fog of dust.

_And so the poor boy, no matter how much his heart ached to not be able to attend the grand ball, sat outside the house on the stairs in cold, watching the stars as his tears washed the sadness away._

"Oh, how cruel the fates are to keep me away from my beloved Prince!" Tamaki twirls around in his melodramatic fashion. Fake tears shimmer in his eyes. "I wish I were able to go to the ball as well."

_And then the strangest thing happens. No, Tamaki doesn't grow a brain._

_ The air before him explodes into sparkles, like mini-crackers the twins had set in his bed a week ago, and out comes a childlike figure in a fluffy white dress._

"Mori-sempai, you don't need to carry Honey-sempai on your shoulders to show that he's floating. A cable would do just fine." Haruhi points out from off-stage.

Mori shrugs.

_Uhm… let's just pretend he's not there, okay?_

Tamaki kneels down instantly, eyes sparkling. "Who are you, oh fair Angel? Might you be my fairy Godmother?"

"Oh no. We just thought of coming down here for cake! Do you have some, Tama-chan?"

_…So, guys, where is our fairy Godmother?_

Suddenly a few fangirls lurch forward, force Haruhi into a gown and toss her onto the stage. She stands up shakily, only to be immediately tackled by the blonde shrieking about how cute she looks.

_The strange woman was a magical creature. _

The girl pokes him away with the plastic wand.

"I'm your fairy Godmother, semp- uh… child." Haruhi says in a monotone. "I'm here to grant your wish to attend the ball."

"Can you grant my wish to have a lovely evening with you instead?"

"…I guess I'll find someone else to help, after all."

"Wha-! Wait!"

_The Fairy Godmother asked Tamaki to pluck whatever vegetable grew in his mother's garden, fetch nine mice (preferably white, for a refined finish I suppose) from the basement and a giant rat that loomed under his bed (it is yet unknown how she knew everything in such details. Probably did a background search on the customers)._

Tamaki's eyes look ready to pop out of their sockets. "Rats and Mice!" He shrieks.

"And some cake!" Honinazuka adds cheerfully.

_Tamaki, albeit hesitantly, sprang into action and brought a dino-size pumpkin from the kitchen garden. Then he popped the required number of vermin (using his step-mother's imported party gloves) into an iron-cage (that seemingly appeared out of thin air) and handed them over to the girl._

"What shall you do from here on, oh fair maiden?"

_The Fairy Godmother waved her magic wand and poof! Suddenly, in place of the pumpkin, stood an ornately designed chariot. The cage was opened and the nine mice turned into full grown stallions, their silky mane glowing in the moonlight. And then the rat-_

"Sempai! You can't even keep a rat from escaping!"

The two host club members helplessly stare at the offensive pest scurrying away.

_…Idiots. Commence Plan B!_

Mori pushes a tea table with a chair into the middle of the stage, then sets the wide-eyed boy onto it. "Sit tight, Mitsukuni. I'll be back," He says, as Tamaki places a thick piece of vanilla cake in front of his small sempai. Honinazuka, happy, starts stuffing his face with the said treat.

_Well, that takes care of that._

Mori jumps onto the chariot and grips the reins into his hands firmly.

_Now all that was left was Tamaki's clothes. He was to attend a royal event, so he needed to look presentable. The girl waved her wand at the blonde, and when the sparkles faded, his ragged old clothes had been replaced by –_

_… a frilly white dress with matching ribbons and glass slippers?_

"Sorry", Haruhi mutters, fishing for something in the folds of her gown. "I'm sure I had the manual to operate this thing somewhere…" She pulls out a tiny booklet and flips through it, mumbling.

She zaps the boy again. Another outfit appears.

A second wave earns a pink dress.

"I guess this thing's broken." She shrugs at last.

_It was designed for a female protagonist. What do you expect?_

Tamaki dances around, twirling in his pink outfit. "These clothes look well on me despite my being a man. This must be the result of my charm. Are you falling for me yet, Haruhi?" He bats his eyelashes. "I suppose I'll have to wear this to the ball then!"

Haruhi grabs the blonde by the ear and starts pulling him towards the house. Mori tosses a neatly pressed pile of clothes into her free arm. Then she shoves the new outfit into the cross-dressed blonde's waving hand, kicks him in and locks the door.

After a few minutes, a graceful Tamaki walks out in a white suit adored with a black bow tie.

"What's next?" Haruhi raises an eyebrow, and someone from the sea of fangirls tosses a thick wad of papers to her. She catches the script and flicks through it. "Set," she motions at last.

_Before waving him off towards the Palace, however, the Fairy Godmother warned Tamaki that her magic would wear off by 12 O clock and if he's not back by then, the chariot and the horses will revert back to being a pumpkin and mice, his clothes will turn to rags, and the carriage driver would... well, become Mori again._

"Oh, my fair maiden! Worry not, for I shall-"

Haruhi heaves the blonde into the carriage and Mori tugs at the reins.

_And so, sat in a beautiful chariot, lit by the glow of the pale moon, Tamaki travelled the seven minute path to the Palace. Once inside, he looked around in wonder, and behold, all eyes were on him (except for his step-mother's, who was probably passed out drunk somewhere due to the crushing negligence offered by the Prince)._

"See? Everybody's stumped by my charms. How magnificent!"

A cluster of ornately dressed females surrounds Tamaki, and he kneels down to kiss one's hand. "But of course, Princess, your beauty precedes mine by a million." He murmurs, eyes glittering.

_Prince Kyouya, for whom the ball had been arranged initially, was standing near the food court (horribly bored because his father kept pushing one girl on top of another for him to dance with) when the commotion began. Pushing his own horde of fangirls aside, he made his way into the circle of more feminity and stopped short to see a boy of gold twirling around._

A loud series of squeals make him flinch.

_ The attention the new guest attracted towards himself piqued the Prince's interest (and that, I believe is a humongous feat) for this boy did not appear to be among those who put up an unoriginal, favorable act to win over his royal heart. In fact, he seemed to be enjoying how people stared at him._

"What an idiot," Kyouya mutters, adjusting his glasses with a pointer.

Tamaki immediately notices the boy staring at him. "What are you writing?" He raises an eyebrow.

The Prince stops his scribbling. Tossing the clipboard aside where it hits a fangirl squarely in the head offstage, he clears his head, puts up one of his enchanting smiles and offers a hand to the perplexed blonde. "May I have a dance with you?" He asks.

"… uhm, I'm quite busy with the ladies here, so I'm afraid it's not possible right now."

"Thank god."

_Hey, stop! Mutiny! That's not how the story pro-_

Kyouya sighs in relief and turns around, only to be faced with a wrathful set of twins, backed up by a dozen other fangirls with a similar expression offstage.

"Alright, alright." He mutters and strides back to the blonde. "Dance with me." He states.

"I'm sorry but-"

"I'm a Prince. You're a poor troubled boy. When that happens, dancing is inevitable." Kyouya explains. "It means a 'happily ever after'. That's how commoner fairytales are."

"Why?"

"Beats me." The Prince adjusts his glasses again, and sighs. "With that cleared up, we have an audience to entertain for financial matters. Come and dance with me."

"But-"

The dark smile on the Shadow King's face shuts Tamaki up.

_And so, that led up to the most romantic evening of Tamaki's life (if you, ofcourse, ignore the churning in his stomach and the deliberate stomping of the other on his poor foot) as he danced across the floor embraced by the handsome Prince._

_In fact, he got so caught up in it that the chiming of the huge clock tower (yes, the palace had that) as it ticked 12 O clock made him jump. _

_Without explaining, he declared he had to go and ran out the door._

"Why?"

"Because my ride is about to turn into a bunch of vermin and a vegetable, and I detest both!"

_However, my guess is that he couldn't bear running around in rags in the presence of such lovely ladies, but who gives a damn about the writer's opinion?_

_So, back to the blonde in the chariot. _

_Tamaki watched the confused Prince fade away in distance as the horses galloped ahead. But as the Fairy Godmother had warned, the clock struck a twelfth time and at the sight of nine mice scurrying across a squished pumpkin, Tamaki took off, running into a nearby lamp post and passed out on impact._

_When he woke up, he was home, sprawled out on the stairs outside (let's assume the carriage guy had had the decency to get him back safely). Tears welled up in his eyes at the loss of his new found love._

"My precious princesses!" The blonde sobs.

_Uh… he's in a shock._

_And so, unceremoniously, Tamaki opened the door, dragged himself up the stairway and got into his bed, thinking that at least their pest problem had been resolved. _

_He didn't stir until the loud squeals of all the neighborhood maidens poured into his ears the next morning. Tamaki almost stumbled and rolled down towards the living area, and to his utter delight, the place was swarming with girls, all yapping excitedly. His mother and brothers were serving them tea (Host club working outside the school… ahem, ahem). _

_It was then that he noticed the Prince and his guards._

"There he is!" Kyouya pushes his way out of the crowd, muttering curses under his breath with Haruhi and other nameless characters tailing behind. "I told you I can tell if I see him. There wasn't any need to call all these useless girls for identification purposes."

_The Prince, elated to have his lovely stranger before him after spending the entire night searching fruitlessly, swiped Tamaki off of his feet and-_

"Hey, wait. Something's missing." Haruhi murmurs, going over her scripts again. She frowns and looks up. "What about the glass slipper incident?"

_…uh, well…_

"Oh, I forgot to leave my shoe as I escaped last night!" Tamaki raises his hands to cover his mouth as he gasps. "Oh my God, what misfortune!"

_Who cares? The Prince recognizes you. What more do you want?_

_"Well-"_

"Cut! Cut!" Renge storms onstage and bonks the blonde on the back of his head. "Stupid Fraud Prince ruined the day again! It's necessary, absolutely necessary that the glass slipper is brought to find the girl!" She turns all sparkly-eyed. "That's why this fairytale is so moe!"

_…I have no idea what you mean._

"You otaku," The twins stare at Renge blankly. "How can a stupid slipper do that?"

It takes all of Mori to restrain the fuming girl.

_So, I guess this turned out to be a no-show after all, huh? What a total waste of ti-_

Haruhi perks up. "Oh wait. This might help." She pulls out a plastic wand out of nowhere and zaps the whimpering blonde.

_And there, instead of his ragged and blood smeared (curse the stupid mice) clothes was the spotless white suit that seemed to glow vibrantly. Immediately the maidens, recognizing the golden boy from the night before, squealed in unison._

Everyone onstage turns to stare at the magic wand questioningly.

"What? Turns out you can get these manufactured to your own convenience at cheaper rates online." Haruhi shrugs and disappears into the feminine populace, muttering something about fried salmon.

_…Well, now that was intelligent._

"Okay, now we know it's him. Old news to me, frankly. Do you mind not going off on another tangent?" Kyouya gives a murderous glare. "I don't have all day to be carrying this idiot around. He's heavier than he looks."

_Oops, my apologies._

_So, his love found, the Prince scooped Tamaki up in his arms and rode back to the Palace to have a Grand Wedding (with an even Grand Wedding cake that was finished off solely by a small sempai)._

_And they lived happily ever after._

"Are you implying that I'm fat?!"

_Well, almost._

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A/N:This was quite fun to right. Interacting with the characters is so weird o_O!

Note: Renge wants to announce that even if they play a role, she will remain the Director come hell or high tide, the Hitachiin twins will drive the plot in case of immense crisis as 'Plot Kitties', and Mori-sempai will come to the rescue whenever time calls.

Sayloni requests a review in case you don't want to face a wrathful Renge with mean mice!


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